the story of life as it goes has ups and downs. the lows must be there to prove there are highs.
[the shadow proves the sunshine]
the slight deviation in life proves movement and growth.
the steep falls or lifts can be rough.
hitting the bottom can hurt.
it is not all a fun roller coaster, but can be a strong storm in a small dingy with the feeling that drowning is eminent. there is that feeling that we will get through and see the upturn once again--because we always do. but that is not the most comforting idea. while the fall might have been quick, the climb might be slow, a slight incline that might even be difficult to feel or notice at all, until you can look back.
and life, life as of late, has felt like a steady rocket to the bottom. a rut. a funk. a bit all inexplicable. the transition has let me empty. my heart expanded and left alone. once again. a constant learning process of course. but a painful one. the feeling of falling apart. a concoction of things that have left me here to quiet myself and find my base, my feet on the ground to begin anew once again.

..from october 22, 2009..

it seems the season change brings about a sense of urgency in people. like the idea of life changing, moving forward without them and out of their control pushes them to domething to move no matter where. just to feel alive. proof of life. of existence.



perhaps we're the ones we've been waiting for.



p.s. i think i am coming back as a writer.

i have begun to realize that dreaming and reaching your dreams are very different and that the latter is much more difficult. and more heart wrenching.

They never tell you truth is subjective
They only tell you not to lie
They never tell you there's strength in vulnerability
They only tell you not to cry

But I've been living underground
Sleeping on the way
And finding something else to say
Is like walking on the freeway

They never tell you you don't need to be ashamed
They only tell you to deny
So is it true that only good girls go to heaven?
They only sell you what you buy

And I've been living underground
Sleeping on the way
And finding something else to say
Is like walking on the freeway
I've been living underground
Trying not to burn
And finding something else to learn

gary jules "something else"

its the beginning of the rest of my life.

i feel like i woke up and suddenly the time is now. its very strange to be at this place. this time. with a job and a home, but no set plans. friends and life, but still not sure about anything.

there are dreams that have not laid down their roots yet.
dreams that are not sure when they will be ready to grow in the world.
not yet at least.

it's all a bit surreal to be honest.

"Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what’s to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead of what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn’t have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves for growing up.”
—
The Wonder Years

i've been having these weird revelations about life lately. i seem to be spending a bundle of my time thinking and realizing i'm growing up, reflecting on the past five years of my life, and dreaming about the future. in all of this, i have come to the conclusion that i am happy.

and maybe it is that i always expected to have some grandious plan by the time i found myself at graduation day, but i'm here and i smile to be in athens and surrounded by opportunities and lovely people.

from:: postsecret.com

my world has been filled
with papers
and lists
and coffee cups
and books
and alarm clocks
and groggy eyes

the time is crunch.
a pending graduation and a beautiful spring have arrived.

april is showing off in this time of research and being handcuffed to my computer.

but i can't even be mad.

because life has become beautiful again.
i have accepted responsibility for the hole that i am in with school. i have also accepted the 22 days that are between me and freedom. knowing that whatever happens, that day will come.
there is no need to overreact (see photo).

::from ffffound!::


before i'm twenty three, i will:

• plant flowers in the flower boxes
• ride my bike
• eat at dondero's kitchen
• write a letter to my parents
• cook something beautiful
• jump on my old trampoline
• make plans to get my tattoo

i’ve got five days.

i cannot wait.
i feel like a kid thinking about it.


in other news, i am overstressed, overworked, lacking motivation, feeling like i'm drowning in things i must do and have no time for the things i love. what am i to do? where can i get some more hours?

friday. march 20. two thousand nine.

i have lived in athens for almost five years. i am struck by the love i have for this town at some unexpected times.

i support this place. have love for the quirks, uncertainties that come with traveler's town, consistencies that come with a college town, the in and outs of music and art.

even during the times of heavy hearts, i have found joy in friday afternoons in downtown. maybe it's the freedom you can feel in air. and maybe it's my personal relief from a crazy week. but it's good.
today i spent some good time enjoying the first day of spring in this place.

i just wanted you to know that i love my town.

sorry if you are tired of hearing it.

when the blizzard hit,

(somehow i wrote this blog and forgot to post it. i still feel it necessary so here it is.)







i live in athens, georgia. i've lived in georgia my whole life. snow is rare. rarer than rare i'd say. we know about ice and we know about 100 degree summers, but we have little knowledge about snow first hand.
and it snowed. it was a blizzard. march 1, 2009 marked an epic day.
and we're not talking georgia snow which is like 1/2 an inch. we had 7 inches of snow.
it was a glorious way to begin march. a fresh start with a blanket of snow.
a day to be a kid again. where everyone is a friend, not a stranger.
where we couldn't do anything but laugh, or giggle as it may be, and jump and run, and throw snowballs.
where everyone just stopped and stood in amazement of our environment. it really made the community pause. they had no choice. it was beautiful.

honestly i smiled all day.

what's with today today?

so i don't claim to be a blogger or known in the blog world by any means, but i do spend quite some time on this open internet perusing people and their displays.

i'm into design, photography, and all things homemade.

i have a heart for community building and music and art that changes lives.

i dig written words used well.

i like to see people expressing themselves brillantly.

all this to say, i have found some people on this world wide web that i don't know but their blogs have struck me over the year or so i've been here.

and today, in my daily read of the feeds at my office, i was caught off guard when i see the longbrake is saying goodbye. he has always been one of my favorites to follow. his photography and words have inspired.

also, found these lovelies this morning. stamp printing is pretty much awesome. i want this. thank you noun.

hope you are having a brillant monday.

thankfully february is almost over.

we're going where
where the wind will steer
we're going where
we can beat our fears
we're going where
we'll make some babies and teach them how to love
we're going where
there's the largest zoo
we're going where
all our friends can be too
we're going where
we have no choice but to open our doors with love
lets open the doors


"dove" castledoor

this is what i'm talking about.

from David Horvitz

a year ago.

i try to avoid being to "too honest" most of the time out of fear, yet i realize that is working against everything i believe in. so here you go.


a year ago today, i lost my best friend.
my heart still aches the same as it has the past 12 months.
she taught me so much about life, simply by the way she lived.
she taught me what love looks like in life. what friendship means. what jesus looks like. the beauty of sharing life with another person. what freedom is.
most of what i live my life for today i learned from her. and that's true.

it is strange to live life without her. knowing that we work for the same purpose. she has made me live better.
her life touched my life.
i miss her more than i can put into words
but i have learned that i cannot stop and sit in my hole like i would prefer.

life is to be lived. that i know. that i learned. that i can see.
i will live out this life in hopes that i could show someone what she showed me. that i could be half the friend she was to me. that i could be centered.

i have a lot more to say that i cannot put into words.

take this for now.

the human experience

i'm in the process of getting this film to athens.
yes.

my word.

i think i have found my word for 2009.

invest.

invest in ideas and dreams.
invest in risk.
invest in friendships and people.
invest in what is around me, athens, america, family.
invest in school at uga for the last time.

but also invest in life, sitting in it, fighting for it, moving with it.


i realize the last 365 days, i skimmed over the surface of life, not really wanting to feel it or invest in it. i just got through those days. these new days, well, they will be invested in.

at 22 and three quarters years of age,  i still have not mastered the art of actually getting out of bed when my alarm goes off. 

yes today.

hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.

--martin luther king jr.

i have a dream today.

i have a dream today.

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today."

thank you dr. king, thank you.
i can live in a nation i am proud of, be exited for, see potential in. tis a good day to celebrate.



photo::princeton.edu

another year over.

2008.

i made an outrageous number of new years resolutions for 2008.


as a review, here's the list. this year was hard on me, but it was good to me as well.

expand vocabulary•learn more•remember i love to play piano•learn more grace. accept more. give more•write letters•see 20 sun rises•enjoy more mornings•write down ideas and dreams•pray in place of judge•love in place of "nice"•live in a great house.•photography more•accept adventure•road trip to seattle because you can.•be 21 for the last time.•walk more•get a bike, thus bike more•draw.•give away art. collect art. display art•jump on the trampoline like its my job•do something scary•go to waco•see mel teach a class•sit and watch the stars•be mesmerized•let life completely blow your mind•go to atlanta more often and walk the streets to remember•spend time with grandma, hear her stories•pay bills on time•drink brandy alexanders•draw. paint sculpt. make. play. create. ...create like you were made to.•memorize scripture•take time to think•go to chicago•be a more consistent friend•get a schedule and sleep. •more polaroids•go to nashville and let the hurt wash away•play music with at least one other person•get dressed up and go out. enjoy being young. wear red heels•remember you will be ok•be more open and let people in•let prayer consume you•do not allow american christianity piss you off too much•let yourself be heard and known•return to spain•be intentional•invite mom and dad to athens•attend art shows all the time•laugh often•open the windows•get an A•answer the phone

while the list is long, and i realize that i completed some, not others, and some are still in progress or will be moved to the 2009 list, it is beautiful.
it is beautiful to see. to look back and remember making this list a year ago, and the way the goals and my life seemed to morph.
this year held much more than this list.
many surprises. things i could have never imagined.
parts i hope continue.
parts i hope to leave behind.
this has been a revolutionary year. an epic year. a year that will be remembered.
i will remind myself..


life has proved to be beautiful.
it's true.
amidst the pain and troubles and deep puddles, there is something to stop and stare at.
something to be awestruck by.
i am thankful for that.

another year over, what will become of the next.
200 eight is gone. it has become past. it's strange to me.
it felt like 20 years and a blink at the same time.
now it stands as a simple memory and a laugh. a blend of a melody.

two thousand nine is here.