what a beautiful piece of heartache
this has all turned out to be


i'm tired of missing my favorite people. of being frustrated with my job. of being lonely. of the physical ache in my heart.
i'm tired of missing what home used to be made up of. tired of questioning my choices past and present.
the stressors of life alone have worn on me. to say the least.

worn out.
exhausting myself it seems.





they've taken their toll these latter days

treat::ghoulish goodies

halloween is a most delightful holiday. a low stress, all fun, eat as much candy as you can, dress up ridiculously, nothing is overboard kind of holiday which i must say is my favorite.

my love for baking plus my love for this season brings you this slew of autumn treats i have found perusing the world wide web of awesome.

apple cider cookies

pumpkin pie fritters

nutter butter ghosts

no bake smores

wicked witch cupcakes

who knows...maybe i'll actually make some time to bake some treats myself. i'll keep you posted.
autumn love.

tunes

autumn has a distinct feeling.
these songs match the feeling this season for me.
this is what i'm listening to.

ok.
autumn is my favorite season.
the crunch of the leaves.
the weather.
the color.
the way everyone reacts to the change in such delight and relief.
the baking that begins again.
uh..halloween.
the newness in the old.
the smell.
the traditions that have stood forever.
the closeness and warmth with your favorite faces and holding hands.


this autumn so far has been lonely and stupid, if i may.
it's a bummer to have your favorite season come and feel alone.
i'm tired of this feeling.
it seems it has come to sit with me until i figure out what it's all about.
so i guess i'll get to mulling.

dear life,

i just want to watch the braves game with my friends.

i miss that.

just so you know.

sincerely, jess

new-ology.

the wonders of being somewhere that isn't home is odd at this point in life.
where my last home became so much the essence of the word that i cannot remember clearly what it was like to start anew.  attempting to find my way and meet new people and eat at the good places and not stick out too much as the one who doesn't belong can become exhausting. that's the truth.

all this to say, the new city brings about new challenges. well, maybe its just the word new.

Moments of moving, of living alone for the first time, of being the ‘new girl’:

1. being asked your name over and over or being referred to as "the new girl" gets really old.
2. pizza rolls, carrots, and pbr for dinner. Just like college. just like me. somethings never change. 
3.  Wearing whatever I want, no one to impress, no one around whose opinions I really care about yet, and honestly, its not like I see that many people anyway. i can experiment or where the same thing all week. no big deal. 
4. Via number 3, naked/in my underwear whenever I feel appropriate.  The people in my house are the people I asked to be there and are expecting.  As much as I loved living in the crazy houses of pineview and chase street, there was never much safety.  Always a boy walking in the back door when you just got out of the shower or someone barging in your room to borrow something (without knocking) when you are naked.  Always the worst timing.  Never dull, but its nice to be able to just be.
5.  I am learning I can be a bit paranoid. Maybe in a young girl-alone for the first time-don’t want to be raped kinda way. Maybe not. The jury is still out.
6. I've never made so many U-turns in my life. 
7.  Never did I realize how deeply dependent I am or have been on my friends, on smiling faces, on touch, on hugs.  Here, I barely get to touch people.  And when I do randomly get a side hug or something, I feel like crying. Seriously, I know I’m emotional, but I’m also a physical touch lover. I am also dependent of people already understanding me and not having to explain myself.  I mumble, I switch the words around in my sentences, I think little life things are funny.  Not everyone gets me right off the bat.  It makes me miss the people I don’t have to explain myself to.
8.  I took for granted seeing my favorite people in the whole world every single day.  I took for granted saying, “see you guys tomorrow” when each night came to a close.  Saying it not because we had made plans for the next 24 hours or because we lived in the same house, but because we got to hang out every day and would inevitably end up at the same place, on the same porch, drinking the same beer, working the same shift, or dancing the same dance.  I never really realized how not-normal that is until I came here. 
9. The truth is i never realized how much I would miss home. 

i'm sure that the new moments will continue to come

but also the beginnings of a new roots will begin to stick into the ground. and i will begin to see illustrations of this all around me. i hope. 

taco day!

today, october 4th marks national taco day!

tacos are my favorite food!
how fantastic a day. 

mmhmm.

these days i have much time to catch up on my missed time on the world wide web when i had no internet connection.  here's a glimpse of how lame/informed i have become.



1. generally cnn.com, nytimes, com, craigslist.com, flagpole.com, asheville's citizen times....

                                                                      [ferris plock]

2. one of my favorite blogs to get lost in my love for you is a stampede of horses

a showcase of artist and designers, their stories, their studios, and other awesome stuff.
check it.

3. tv on dvd and hulu.com are a part of this modern life that i haven't taken advantage of to its highest regard until now....almost embarrassingly.  i have caught up on modern family, parenthood, weeds, glee. who am i?

4. gems such as dinoworld and dinosaur land.

5.  attempting to find daily inspiration for photography, crafts, my apartment, life, music with these:

and a bunch more. 

this is my attempt to confess how much time i have wasted on the internet over the past four weeks being in a new town without my bestest friends.  its a bit embarrassing. now you know.

i sit here on the eve of october, the most magical and magnificent of months, dreaming of the colors, the smells, the energy that cannot be ignored.  the autumn is fascinating, the beauty in death, the way it all makes me feel more alive.
even though the past four weeks cannot exactly be surrounded by words of joy and laughter, or even contentment, i think that fall will bring something new for me. well at least i hope.

also, listening to sufjan incessantly.  his melodies mold seamlessly into the cool brisk air.  its true.  he sings in truth and creativity.
(and i get to see him soon at the civic center. one of my dreams will be coming true)



more thoughts on autumn to come.