on growing up and heartache

i'm finding that growing up is harder than i ever imagined.
it's hardest when you are at it alone
it's most confusing because you are alone.
and everyone is fighting for themselves alone,
singularly.
until you find that one that wants to fight along side you.
and for you.
and you don't have to be alone anymore.
but sometimes that person who fought alongside of you changes his/her mind or gets confused or distracted or lost
and begins to fight against you.
and your battle seems harder than it ever seemed
like your strength together weakened you individually
when its actually your comfort got the best of you

and it gets hard and confusing for a while

and maybe, just maybe
the confusion, the waves, they stop hitting so hard
and your strength returns
you might be alone again
fighting for yourself
and you have distant yet fond memories of that one who came and fought at your side

and i guess you're better for it.

"Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what’s to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead of what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn’t have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves for growing up.”
—
The Wonder Years

i've been having these weird revelations about life lately. i seem to be spending a bundle of my time thinking and realizing i'm growing up, reflecting on the past five years of my life, and dreaming about the future. in all of this, i have come to the conclusion that i am happy.

and maybe it is that i always expected to have some grandious plan by the time i found myself at graduation day, but i'm here and i smile to be in athens and surrounded by opportunities and lovely people.

at 22 and three quarters years of age,  i still have not mastered the art of actually getting out of bed when my alarm goes off.