the story of life as it goes has ups and downs. the lows must be there to prove there are highs.
[the shadow proves the sunshine]
the slight deviation in life proves movement and growth.
the steep falls or lifts can be rough.
hitting the bottom can hurt.
it is not all a fun roller coaster, but can be a strong storm in a small dingy with the feeling that drowning is eminent. there is that feeling that we will get through and see the upturn once again--because we always do. but that is not the most comforting idea. while the fall might have been quick, the climb might be slow, a slight incline that might even be difficult to feel or notice at all, until you can look back.
and life, life as of late, has felt like a steady rocket to the bottom. a rut. a funk. a bit all inexplicable. the transition has let me empty. my heart expanded and left alone. once again. a constant learning process of course. but a painful one. the feeling of falling apart. a concoction of things that have left me here to quiet myself and find my base, my feet on the ground to begin anew once again.

..from october 22, 2009..

it seems the season change brings about a sense of urgency in people. like the idea of life changing, moving forward without them and out of their control pushes them to domething to move no matter where. just to feel alive. proof of life. of existence.



perhaps we're the ones we've been waiting for.



p.s. i think i am coming back as a writer.

i have begun to realize that dreaming and reaching your dreams are very different and that the latter is much more difficult. and more heart wrenching.

They never tell you truth is subjective
They only tell you not to lie
They never tell you there's strength in vulnerability
They only tell you not to cry

But I've been living underground
Sleeping on the way
And finding something else to say
Is like walking on the freeway

They never tell you you don't need to be ashamed
They only tell you to deny
So is it true that only good girls go to heaven?
They only sell you what you buy

And I've been living underground
Sleeping on the way
And finding something else to say
Is like walking on the freeway
I've been living underground
Trying not to burn
And finding something else to learn

gary jules "something else"

its the beginning of the rest of my life.

i feel like i woke up and suddenly the time is now. its very strange to be at this place. this time. with a job and a home, but no set plans. friends and life, but still not sure about anything.

there are dreams that have not laid down their roots yet.
dreams that are not sure when they will be ready to grow in the world.
not yet at least.

it's all a bit surreal to be honest.

"Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what’s to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead of what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn’t have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves for growing up.”
—
The Wonder Years

i've been having these weird revelations about life lately. i seem to be spending a bundle of my time thinking and realizing i'm growing up, reflecting on the past five years of my life, and dreaming about the future. in all of this, i have come to the conclusion that i am happy.

and maybe it is that i always expected to have some grandious plan by the time i found myself at graduation day, but i'm here and i smile to be in athens and surrounded by opportunities and lovely people.

from:: postsecret.com

my world has been filled
with papers
and lists
and coffee cups
and books
and alarm clocks
and groggy eyes

the time is crunch.
a pending graduation and a beautiful spring have arrived.

april is showing off in this time of research and being handcuffed to my computer.

but i can't even be mad.

because life has become beautiful again.
i have accepted responsibility for the hole that i am in with school. i have also accepted the 22 days that are between me and freedom. knowing that whatever happens, that day will come.
there is no need to overreact (see photo).