Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Monday, November 29, 2010


its inevitable.
the coming of winter.
the end of a year.

december is the sign of this.
the almost painful reminder that another year is gone
the excitement that a new year is starting

the decisions to make a change
to start fresh
to continue what has been
the reflection of what was
to see the joys
to revel in the regrets

the end of a year is always hard for me
to make dreams for the new year
to look back at dreams lost
especially when i feel in limbo once again.

yet it is quite a beautiful thing to see that i have completed my twenty-fourth year as a human being, survived, moved, created, lived
and if all goes as planned a new one is coming to do it all again
but better....

Monday, November 8, 2010

i was tagged...

my dear friend mary tagged me...

1. what actor/actress would you want to play you in a movie?
maggie gyllenhaal. she's sexy, quirky, she plays that bad ass baker in stranger than fiction. awesome. duh.

2. who is your favorite author and what is your favorite book by them?
jonathan safran foer. extremely loud and incredibly close. i have read this book more times than any other. the character and the beautiful and bizarre outlook on life is one that invigorates.

[**to be fair, i love books. and it is hard for me to really say this is my favorite. i have a million favorites. i love characters and the setting of a scene and the feel of pages turning and the smell, oh the smell. maybe we can talk more about this.]

3. where would you go on a dream vacation?
prague for the beauty, and the south of france for the beauty, the food, the escape. and india for the beauty, the people, the different world, and the perspective.
that can be one long trip.

4. what are you most afraid of?
being alone for good. i used to be most afraid of death but i have found peace in life thus peace in death through all sorts of tribulations. but i think what that fear really came from was the fear of loneliness, of being alone, possibly a fear of not ever being known.  thus, this move, this adventure is teaching me a lot.

5. if you could have all your friends on a deserted island, what are three things you would all do together?
dance party duh.
probably have a huge bon fire, find some food, and sit and talk for hours because that's what we do now minus the deserted island.

6. what's something people don't know about you?
i'm continually becoming more and more claustrophobic. its way not fun.

7. what is your guilty pleasure?
trash tv, pizza rolls, spending obscene amounts of money at target, reading tfln.com hah so lame.

okay now you know. 

Friday, October 29, 2010

what a beautiful piece of heartache
this has all turned out to be

i'm tired of missing my favorite people. of being frustrated with my job. of being lonely. of the physical ache in my heart.
i'm tired of missing what home used to be made up of. tired of questioning my choices past and present.
the stressors of life alone have worn on me. to say the least.

worn out.
exhausting myself it seems.

they've taken their toll these latter days

Monday, October 25, 2010

treat::ghoulish goodies

halloween is a most delightful holiday. a low stress, all fun, eat as much candy as you can, dress up ridiculously, nothing is overboard kind of holiday which i must say is my favorite.

my love for baking plus my love for this season brings you this slew of autumn treats i have found perusing the world wide web of awesome.

who knows...maybe i'll actually make some time to bake some treats myself. i'll keep you posted.
autumn love.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


autumn has a distinct feeling.
these songs match the feeling this season for me.
this is what i'm listening to.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

autumn is my favorite season.
the crunch of the leaves.
the weather.
the color.
the way everyone reacts to the change in such delight and relief.
the baking that begins again.
the newness in the old.
the smell.
the traditions that have stood forever.
the closeness and warmth with your favorite faces and holding hands.

this autumn so far has been lonely and stupid, if i may.
it's a bummer to have your favorite season come and feel alone.
i'm tired of this feeling.
it seems it has come to sit with me until i figure out what it's all about.
so i guess i'll get to mulling.

Friday, October 8, 2010

dear life,

i just want to watch the braves game with my friends.

i miss that.

just so you know.

sincerely, jess

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


the wonders of being somewhere that isn't home is odd at this point in life.
where my last home became so much the essence of the word that i cannot remember clearly what it was like to start anew.  attempting to find my way and meet new people and eat at the good places and not stick out too much as the one who doesn't belong can become exhausting. that's the truth.

all this to say, the new city brings about new challenges. well, maybe its just the word new.

Moments of moving, of living alone for the first time, of being the ‘new girl’:
  1. being asked your name over and over or being referred to as "the new girl" gets really old.
  2. pizza rolls, carrots, and pbr for dinner. Just like college. just like me. somethings never change. 
  3.  Wearing whatever I want, no one to impress, no one around whose opinions I really care about yet, and honestly, its not like I see that many people anyway. i can experiment or where the same thing all week. no big deal. 
  4. Via number 3, naked/in my underwear whenever I feel appropriate.  The people in my house are the people I asked to be there and are expecting.  As much as I loved living in the crazy houses of pineview and chase street, there was never much safety.  Always a boy walking in the back door when you just got out of the shower or someone barging in your room to borrow something (without knocking) when you are naked.  Always the worst timing.  Never dull, but its nice to be able to just be.
  5.  I am learning I can be a bit paranoid. Maybe in a young girl-alone for the first time-don’t want to be raped kinda way. Maybe not. The jury is still out.
  6. I've never made so many U-turns in my life. 
  7.  Never did I realize how deeply dependent I am or have been on my friends, on smiling faces, on touch, on hugs.  Here, I barely get to touch people.  And when I do randomly get a side hug or something, I feel like crying. Seriously, I know I’m emotional, but I’m also a physical touch lover. I am also dependent of people already understanding me and not having to explain myself.  I mumble, I switch the words around in my sentences, I think little life things are funny.  Not everyone gets me right off the bat.  It makes me miss the people I don’t have to explain myself to.
  8.  I took for granted seeing my favorite people in the whole world every single day.  I took for granted saying, “see you guys tomorrow” when each night came to a close.  Saying it not because we had made plans for the next 24 hours or because we lived in the same house, but because we got to hang out every day and would inevitably end up at the same place, on the same porch, drinking the same beer, working the same shift, or dancing the same dance.  I never really realized how not-normal that is until I came here. 
  9. The truth is i never realized how much I would miss home. 
i'm sure that the new moments will continue to come
but also the beginnings of a new roots will begin to stick into the ground. and i will begin to see illustrations of this all around me. i hope. 

Monday, October 4, 2010

taco day!

today, october 4th marks national taco day!

tacos are my favorite food!
how fantastic a day. 


these days i have much time to catch up on my missed time on the world wide web when i had no internet connection.  here's a glimpse of how lame/informed i have become.

1. generally cnn.com, nytimes, com, craigslist.com, flagpole.com, asheville's citizen times....

                                                                      [ferris plock]

2. one of my favorite blogs to get lost in my love for you is a stampede of horses

a showcase of artist and designers, their stories, their studios, and other awesome stuff.
check it.

3. tv on dvd and hulu.com are a part of this modern life that i haven't taken advantage of to its highest regard until now....almost embarrassingly.  i have caught up on modern family, parenthood, weeds, glee. who am i?

4. gems such as dinoworld and dinosaur land.

5.  attempting to find daily inspiration for photography, crafts, my apartment, life, music with these:

and a bunch more. 

this is my attempt to confess how much time i have wasted on the internet over the past four weeks being in a new town without my bestest friends.  its a bit embarrassing. now you know.

Friday, October 1, 2010

i sit here on the eve of october, the most magical and magnificent of months, dreaming of the colors, the smells, the energy that cannot be ignored.  the autumn is fascinating, the beauty in death, the way it all makes me feel more alive.
even though the past four weeks cannot exactly be surrounded by words of joy and laughter, or even contentment, i think that fall will bring something new for me. well at least i hope.

also, listening to sufjan incessantly.  his melodies mold seamlessly into the cool brisk air.  its true.  he sings in truth and creativity.
(and i get to see him soon at the civic center. one of my dreams will be coming true)

more thoughts on autumn to come.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

on moving.

transitions are something.
i recently moved. moved to asheville. it all happened very fast, like a whirlwind.  decisions made. boxes packed. goodbyes said. and then to new beginnings.

i left behind my favorites. my favorite city with my favorite favorite people to try something new. i was given an opportunity for change and i took it.  i know that many don't understand, but when you know you need it, you take it.  you leap. i leapt.
i was becoming stagnant at home.  i was not unhappy but i wasn't moving forward. if i may be cliche for a moment, life is too short and i am too young to be stuck.  and one morning i woke up and felt the truth of that in my bones.
and i chose. i chose to leave.

and although i am sometimes lonely, sad, unhappy, worn out, i know in the deepest part of me that i needed this.  not necessarily asheville, but i needed a change. a new breath. a challenge for myself.
i have needed the push to go and   s  t  r  e  t  c  h   myself.    and i am fully aware that i might hate it hear and miss home and on and on but i had to leave, even if its simply for a season.

i think it is necessary to challenge your feelings of comfort, then you will know what is real.

so here i sit. here. in a new city, new apartment, new job, new faces.  i am the "new girl" again.
here i will begin again.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

after all this time.

it is as if my writing ebbs and flows with the seasons.

this time. i pledge to be disciplined. even if i am the only one to see these excerpts from life.
i will write.
i will share.

i will be inspired.
attempt to inspire.
utilize expression.
explore all sides of life
and creative outlets.

lets do this.