what if.

i have big dreams.

dreams of living in a community that understands love and truth and freedom. and even though i don't always live those things out, i believe in them every moment. and i want to surround myself with them.

what if.
what if love could be my song?
what if freedom was our communication?
what if truth was all over our relationships?
what if that was all that mattered?

what if healing was for certain and we believed it?
what if we grew together instead of apart?
what if we took care of one another instead of just ourselves?
what if we could call each other home?
what if questions and confrontations were comforting because we saw it as being alive and sharing life?

what if we understood what community really looks like?
what if we tried to understand each other first?


i am dreaming big about a bakery that could change the world.
that could be home. a house of love and freedom. of art and music. of dance. of truth and grace. a place to be understood and accepted. a place to find your people and your place.

right now its just a dream but what if. maybe just maybe it could become a reality.



this is just what i have in mind.

i just wish i could put into words my deep love for halloween.

pumpkin carving. candy. costumes. hilarity. fall. dance party insanity.

maybe one day you will understand.

epic

nashville. to continue the epic-ness of my life.
i sit here while the rain hits the window sills after driving frankie to
the airport bright and early and i'm hit with the beautiful grace of it all.
of life and love. of movement and ability. of chance and risk and worth.
of redemption.
that's all i have at the moment. 
these lyrics are bursting with truth and understanding and grace. 


When the world welcomes us in,
We're closer to Heaven than we'll ever know.
They say this place has changed,
But strip away all of the technology
And you will see
That we all are hunters,
Hunting for something that will make us okay.

Here we lay alone in hospital beds,
Tracing life in our heads;
But all that is left
Is that this was our entrance and now it's our exit,
As we find our way home.

All the blood and all the sweat
That we invested to be loved
Follows us into our end,
Where we begin to understand

That we are made of love,
And all the beauty stemming from it.
We are made of love,
And every fracture caused by the lack of it.

"You were a million years of work,"
Said God and His angels, with needle and thread.
They kissed your head and said,
"You're a good kid and you make us proud.
So just give your best and the rest will come,
And we'll see you soon."

All the blood and all the sweat
That we invested to be loved
Follows us into our end,
Where we begin to understand

That maybe Hollywood was right:
When the credits have rolled and the tears have dried,
The answers that we have been dying to find
Are all pieced together and, somehow,
Made perfectly mine.

We are made of love,
And all the beauty stemming from it.
We are made of love,
And every fracture caused by the lack of love.

sleeping at last "needle and thread" 

today.

a day for change.
quite a monumental day.
dressed for america this morning with the roommates and went out to make our voices heard at 8 am.

for justice and equality.
for opportunity and prosperity.
for healing of our nation.
for restoration.

to hear our president-elect speak justice and unity over our country was indescribable. to see people of this town and country join together fighting for equality and opportunity, making their voices heard gives me hope. i am encouraged beyond measure.

today is big.

while i could write forever about what i see in our future, the possibilities, and the actual change from children born into poverty to movie stars, i won't today. i think i need just a moment to sit in this piece of history and let my hope for this country be reborn.

i am thankful.

there has never been anything false about hope.

one day you're near.

i love the bond i can share with another human being.
there is beauty in connection.

i am constantly baffled by the interaction humans have with one another and the way i can open and close myself and let myself out (or not) and feel safe and refreshed and understood (or none of those things).

like i said, it's beautiful.

freedom

i'm not usually a fan of huge blanket statements, but
october is the best.
athens in october is the best.

it amazes me how i can fall so in love with a city.

the idea of freedom has captured me as of late.
the glory that is freedom. the thought that some have no idea what it feels like to be free. people born into captivity. people living in it with no taste for freedom.
we can talk about sex slavery, emotional baggage, sin, addiction, poverty, violence, abuse, lies. all keep us from freedom, keep our eyes shut to the beauty this world holds. for us. for all.
inwardly and outwardly people are held captive.
humans, including myself, many times live without knowing life can be different. that a change can be made.

i want to live. to show and share in freedom.
to let love release beauty.
to let captives free.

it was for freedom that we were set free.

there is great weight in that statement.
i want to hold those words close to my heart.

same things can be different

my favorite athens establishment of all time.
yeah. as we all know, it has transformed quite a bit. it is classy and even swanky at times. they have wonderful imports and large booths. its very aesthetically pleasing. the design is beautiful.
but the old hot corner character...it has been lost.

to sit here as i do from time to time. i test it out. to see if it will come back to its roots. it never satisfies me. now don't get me wrong, trapeze is one of my favorite bars of all time. i might could say it is growing to be a favorite establishment. i just wish with my whole heart that both, two of my favorite places, could have lived side by side instead of one or the other.

there's something about sharing a couch and a coffee table with a complete stranger while at 3 am you are both working diligently on research papers that are due the next day...and trying to avoid facebook. something about knowing you're not the only procrastinator in the city. or the only night owl. knowing the furniture is older than i am. it was always buzzing. it was a culture. i miss it.

i just got the "are you crazy?" look from a guy who is sitting on the chair next to the couch i sat down on. apparently this is too close for comfort for him. apparently he thinks he deserves the whole coffee table and the only not wooden seats in the house. he clearly doesn't remember hot corner. trapeze is all about personal space i guess.

enough for my rant.
i apologize for the length.

it kinda really feels like fall outside today. i know it's because it's overcast.
i like wearing tanktops in the beginning of fall. i need to feel the chill. throughout the year i forget what that feels like.
remember to enjoy it.