on moving.

transitions are something.
i recently moved. moved to asheville. it all happened very fast, like a whirlwind.  decisions made. boxes packed. goodbyes said. and then to new beginnings.

i left behind my favorites. my favorite city with my favorite favorite people to try something new. i was given an opportunity for change and i took it.  i know that many don't understand, but when you know you need it, you take it.  you leap. i leapt.
i was becoming stagnant at home.  i was not unhappy but i wasn't moving forward. if i may be cliche for a moment, life is too short and i am too young to be stuck.  and one morning i woke up and felt the truth of that in my bones.
and i chose. i chose to leave.

and although i am sometimes lonely, sad, unhappy, worn out, i know in the deepest part of me that i needed this.  not necessarily asheville, but i needed a change. a new breath. a challenge for myself.
i have needed the push to go and   s  t  r  e  t  c  h   myself.    and i am fully aware that i might hate it hear and miss home and on and on but i had to leave, even if its simply for a season.

i think it is necessary to challenge your feelings of comfort, then you will know what is real.


so here i sit. here. in a new city, new apartment, new job, new faces.  i am the "new girl" again.
here i will begin again.

after all this time.

it is as if my writing ebbs and flows with the seasons.

this time. i pledge to be disciplined. even if i am the only one to see these excerpts from life.
i will write.
daily.
i will share.
honestly.

i will be inspired.
attempt to inspire.
utilize expression.
explore all sides of life
and creative outlets.


lets do this.

the story of life as it goes has ups and downs. the lows must be there to prove there are highs.
[the shadow proves the sunshine]
the slight deviation in life proves movement and growth.
the steep falls or lifts can be rough.
hitting the bottom can hurt.
it is not all a fun roller coaster, but can be a strong storm in a small dingy with the feeling that drowning is eminent. there is that feeling that we will get through and see the upturn once again--because we always do. but that is not the most comforting idea. while the fall might have been quick, the climb might be slow, a slight incline that might even be difficult to feel or notice at all, until you can look back.
and life, life as of late, has felt like a steady rocket to the bottom. a rut. a funk. a bit all inexplicable. the transition has let me empty. my heart expanded and left alone. once again. a constant learning process of course. but a painful one. the feeling of falling apart. a concoction of things that have left me here to quiet myself and find my base, my feet on the ground to begin anew once again.

..from october 22, 2009..

it seems the season change brings about a sense of urgency in people. like the idea of life changing, moving forward without them and out of their control pushes them to domething to move no matter where. just to feel alive. proof of life. of existence.



perhaps we're the ones we've been waiting for.



p.s. i think i am coming back as a writer.

i have begun to realize that dreaming and reaching your dreams are very different and that the latter is much more difficult. and more heart wrenching.

They never tell you truth is subjective
They only tell you not to lie
They never tell you there's strength in vulnerability
They only tell you not to cry

But I've been living underground
Sleeping on the way
And finding something else to say
Is like walking on the freeway

They never tell you you don't need to be ashamed
They only tell you to deny
So is it true that only good girls go to heaven?
They only sell you what you buy

And I've been living underground
Sleeping on the way
And finding something else to say
Is like walking on the freeway
I've been living underground
Trying not to burn
And finding something else to learn

gary jules "something else"

its the beginning of the rest of my life.

i feel like i woke up and suddenly the time is now. its very strange to be at this place. this time. with a job and a home, but no set plans. friends and life, but still not sure about anything.

there are dreams that have not laid down their roots yet.
dreams that are not sure when they will be ready to grow in the world.
not yet at least.

it's all a bit surreal to be honest.