honesty

i have decided that i want to be. to be more. to be more consistantly. to live more.

i know i sound like a silly twenty something that lives in asheville right now, but seriously.

i want to experience more. to stop living amongst judgement and fear, but more around the doers.

i want to read books and create and have real relationships and to feel confident and honest and myself.

that's all i've ever really wanted.  really.



i found this that i wrote on my birthday this year.


i find it rich and completely appropriate to celebrate, or at least acknowledge, that you have life, time passes, life is beautiful.  time is changing us.  growth is occurring.  things are becoming the past.  the future becoming the present.  the answers becoming clearer. the questions gaining more parts. 


i think it's honest.

i find myself inspired by my own thoughts a little over six months ago.
i think that is something to hold dear.

always a new cloud

photo at tybee. one of laura's dad's creations

… another few days gone off forever. Yes, yes, yes, & where do they go? & who collects them all. I’m watching these incredibly painterly, puffy pink clouds float overhead & off over the water. Where do they go? There are rusted boats bound for China, hungry seagulls leaving steampipes, the mindless tide in search of its zenith. But where does the time go when it’s gone? For now, all these beautiful things out the window seem to have such an overwhelming weight, it’s difficult to imagine them all floating away for the rest of time. Though I know they are. On the other hand, there are always new clouds coming into view, new boats, new birds, new tides. I see the pattern in myself too. For sometimes the spirits are so high, & sometimes they drag so low… but always there are spirits. Thankfully. 
-joshua heineman of CursiveBuildings




i love these words. 

ever have the fear of making your own choices

fear of the reality that you are grown and decide your next steps

fear of picking out, of opting for 

[the secret fear of settling for]

the wrong, incorrect, illogical, irreversable 

ever need to be reminded that your choices will not be wrong
that you just need to move forward
that you just need to follow your heart [and your clouds] 
because your fears are screaming louder than everything else


life is full of decisions, of choices
and there is great beauty in that
and awesome freedom
and my fears are my insecurities
which sometimes cause me to freeze
but not this time
i'm choosing choices
next steps
future plans
adventures
there is comfort in these words:

there are always new cloud coming into view, new boats, new birds new tides.