new-ology.

the wonders of being somewhere that isn't home is odd at this point in life.
where my last home became so much the essence of the word that i cannot remember clearly what it was like to start anew.  attempting to find my way and meet new people and eat at the good places and not stick out too much as the one who doesn't belong can become exhausting. that's the truth.

all this to say, the new city brings about new challenges. well, maybe its just the word new.

Moments of moving, of living alone for the first time, of being the ‘new girl’:

1. being asked your name over and over or being referred to as "the new girl" gets really old.
2. pizza rolls, carrots, and pbr for dinner. Just like college. just like me. somethings never change. 
3.  Wearing whatever I want, no one to impress, no one around whose opinions I really care about yet, and honestly, its not like I see that many people anyway. i can experiment or where the same thing all week. no big deal. 
4. Via number 3, naked/in my underwear whenever I feel appropriate.  The people in my house are the people I asked to be there and are expecting.  As much as I loved living in the crazy houses of pineview and chase street, there was never much safety.  Always a boy walking in the back door when you just got out of the shower or someone barging in your room to borrow something (without knocking) when you are naked.  Always the worst timing.  Never dull, but its nice to be able to just be.
5.  I am learning I can be a bit paranoid. Maybe in a young girl-alone for the first time-don’t want to be raped kinda way. Maybe not. The jury is still out.
6. I've never made so many U-turns in my life. 
7.  Never did I realize how deeply dependent I am or have been on my friends, on smiling faces, on touch, on hugs.  Here, I barely get to touch people.  And when I do randomly get a side hug or something, I feel like crying. Seriously, I know I’m emotional, but I’m also a physical touch lover. I am also dependent of people already understanding me and not having to explain myself.  I mumble, I switch the words around in my sentences, I think little life things are funny.  Not everyone gets me right off the bat.  It makes me miss the people I don’t have to explain myself to.
8.  I took for granted seeing my favorite people in the whole world every single day.  I took for granted saying, “see you guys tomorrow” when each night came to a close.  Saying it not because we had made plans for the next 24 hours or because we lived in the same house, but because we got to hang out every day and would inevitably end up at the same place, on the same porch, drinking the same beer, working the same shift, or dancing the same dance.  I never really realized how not-normal that is until I came here. 
9. The truth is i never realized how much I would miss home. 

i'm sure that the new moments will continue to come

but also the beginnings of a new roots will begin to stick into the ground. and i will begin to see illustrations of this all around me. i hope.