Monday, July 28, 2008

i decided a while ago that i wasn't going to allow myself to be hurt anymore. i decided that i could just be strong. i had felt the worst pain i had felt and i never wanted to feel it again.

i have a pattern with pain, i've come to realize. i long for an escape. eventually i find it. and usually in the escape i learn that running from my pain isn't really what i was made for. i have learned and continue to learn that i am meant to feel. to understand. to hurt. as much as i look to find the opposite.

the running never really gets me anywhere. while physically i could be halfway across the world, my heart is still the same.
this last adventure i realized all of this before i left, knowing the change in location was not to be an escape but an adventure. a head-clearing. a heart-moving. i tend to have a jumbled head and need blank slates in order to make sense of my non-order.

i have a lot of trash. a lot of things i've kept in boxes. both literally and figuratively.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

can't go back now.

i'm back. from travel. from escape. from being dull and null.
updates from vagabond life will follow.

i can't really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else in the end, the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself.

the weepies sing about my life.