yes indeed.

"Less. I’m trying to have fewer things in my life right now. This doesn’t always mean fewer trinkets that shine on a shelf.

It also might mean fewer things that upset me.

Fewer people who bother me.

Fewer regrets about things that are long dead and buried.

Fewer anxieties about a future that may or may not exist.

I find that if I dig deep and THROW AWAY ONE THING a day (on my shelf, in my head, an ugly memory in my heart, a small anxiety in my stomach, a frown, a doubt, an insecurity, a person who drains), then I wake up the next day a little more peaceful. A little more enthusiastic. A little happier.

Happiness and enthusiasm compound into inner abundance. Inner abundance is the sun that lights up all the life around you.

I don’t need to have so many opinions. The fight will continue with or without me, long after everyone in this universe cares.”

from this article from thought catalog which is actually from this book 

if this wasn't supposed to be read by me today, i don't know what was.

thank you james altucher

communication

i tend to over think things.

even blog posts. which concludes in me leaving handfuls of drafted posts never ever published.
out of fear.

and that's no way to live. especially on the internet.
so i've decided to revisit these drafts. edit them. post them. increase my blogness. but also, participate in an exercise to face my fears and force myself to really put my thoughts to word form.
so here goes.

i think this will be good.
...................................................................

i've been resonating with this lately.

are we a culture too obsessed with our technology or is this just how we communicate?

or is it making us totally and completely self involved?

do we live for the moments we can share on social media?  are we forgetting to live in the moments?

are we going to look back on our lives and feel like all we have to show is what's on the world wide web instead of the stories we have to tell?


but it could just be that this is the transition of communication and yes, we communicate so much by the emoticons we choose, the hashtags we right, the moments of life we instagram.

is that the life we want?  is it inevitable?

am i supposed to become okay with no eye contact and texting at the dinner table?

am i just being old fashioned?  is this my extreme nostalgia?  or should we really be asking ourselves these questions?

i feel that our communication skills are disintegrating before our eyes.  oh how often do i find myself stuck in a most awkward conversations because everyone forgot how to have a straight forward conversation.  we're more comfortable looking a computer screen or our phones instead of each other's faces.

why aren't we more upset about that?

and seriously how often have i found myself looking a facebook at the end of the night and finding out more intimate details about a person based on their status as opposed to the 4 hours i just spent sitting next to them at the bar.


so many questions. 

answers?

what's your space jam?

okay if you have the internet, you probably have seen this video. but maybe not.  and if that's so, you're welcome.

kid president is right.  the world needs you to stop being boring.  being boring is easy.
i needed this pep talk.

i needed to be reminded to get up and do something.
to start painting again.
to start acting like a great friend and lover of humans again.
to give the world a reason to dance
or at least be happy enough to dance myself.


it's everybody's duty to give the world a reason to dance.



i'm excited to find out what my space jam is.
and i'm excited to find out what yours is too.

so let's do it.

fire clay flour

i love clay.  i love baking.  i love the beauty that fire makes.  i love this video. 

forward motion

“I moved on because I had to, because pain gets heavy when you carry it far from its source, like a bucket of water hauled miles from a stream–it acquires a whole new value, which is the sum of itsprimary essence and your secondary investment.”

from Anthropology of an American Girl by Hilary Thayer Hamann

i speak much about transition.  many of my posts on this blog describe change, movement, and new beginnings.  i love this quote from hilary thayer hamann because it explains moving forward in such a beautiful way.  so often i find myself carrying burdens or heartbreak for so long, it almost feels as though there is a separate attachment altogether to the pain.  letting go. moving on. those are things i find hard.  i almost can handle the pain i didn't inflict on myself better than even the question or possible thought of what letting go of it might feel like.  but in this moment and in the moment i read that quote, i felt relief.  we are not meant to carry our burdens for so long and so far away from their sources.  we are supposed to lay them down.  let them lay.  walk away.  leaving with the knowledge and the strength that they gave us.  not forgetting where they came from.  no leaving behind the beauty.  walking tall with a new energy.  embracing the motion forward.  

that is a beauty of life. 

amen. 

lately

Here are some things i'm really into or just simply really enjoy lately:

1. VOTING! go vote. we all know you are super cool and hilarious and informed and have opinions and might bitch about the future, so go vote. it's important. it's your right. it's fun.  oh, and it's important.  like really important.

2. this article among others from thought catalog 

3. zoe muth. beautiful southern twang in her voice.

4. remembering how amazing this album is.




5. dreams of the future

6. remembering how talented and amazing my friends are.
    i.e. frankie

7. READING books! whoa.  currently: dearie, the omnivore's dilema, and big sur

honesty

i have decided that i want to be. to be more. to be more consistantly. to live more.

i know i sound like a silly twenty something that lives in asheville right now, but seriously.

i want to experience more. to stop living amongst judgement and fear, but more around the doers.

i want to read books and create and have real relationships and to feel confident and honest and myself.

that's all i've ever really wanted.  really.



i found this that i wrote on my birthday this year.


i find it rich and completely appropriate to celebrate, or at least acknowledge, that you have life, time passes, life is beautiful.  time is changing us.  growth is occurring.  things are becoming the past.  the future becoming the present.  the answers becoming clearer. the questions gaining more parts. 


i think it's honest.

i find myself inspired by my own thoughts a little over six months ago.
i think that is something to hold dear.

transformation

transformation happens in one fail swoop, but do we have the hearts and minds to pay attention?


a dear friend posed this to me a couple days ago while i was finalizing my goodbye/thank you letters to my previous bosses and simmering in my transition over espresso.   i find this question ominous and brilliant.  yet troubling, i suppose.

do we have the hearts and minds to pay attention?
do we?

is that why so many things seem to pass us by? because we are simply not paying attention.

my hope is that i will not be so adrift or so caught up that i cannot see the transformation in front of me.
let me be engaged in my world around me.
allowing my heart and my mind to fully absorb what it is that surrounds me.

time has changed us.
for the better.

today i cleaned out my inbox.  i had over 3,000 unread messages.
no, i'm not that popular.  no, i'm not famous.
yes, i have a problem.  yes, i sign up for newsletters and coupons and clubs and never EVER read the emails.  yes, the first step is recognizing my problem.  i get it.  it's ridiculous.
but as of right now, i have ZERO unread messages.

today, i bought a new macbook pro.  i have had this one currently typing this blog for over four years and i bought it from a friend used.  it has been loved and is acting like a dinosaur.  i will need to be more social network-y and mobile for my new job so i decided to grow up and bite the bullet. and i feel good.  no buyers remorse here. it will be here so soon. ahhh.

today, i will sit in the sun and read my copy of Garden and Gun that came to me today and i will be happy.

and here i am, realizing that i'm a writer.  again.  and i want to write.

i have wanted to stay private for a while, for some much needed self care and understanding.

but prepare yourselves to be apart of my world, the beauty and brokenness that it is,
if anyone even reads this anymore.
lovelovelove.

hi.
it's been a while.
my life, as life in general goes, has been in a constant state of change and movement.
mostly good, positive movement.
movement in many ways.

change is good. necessary. beautiful.
yet change is also hard. challenging. painful.

there is always a part of big change that takes leaving something behind.  whether it be part of the person you once were, the memories, the stillness.
change puts fear in me.  and i take it in. soak in it during the transition. because that is the only way i know how to deal with it.  the only way i know how to not long for it afterwards.  i must soak. absorb. drench my soul in all that once was in order to be prepared and be entirely whole and present for the whatever the future may hold.

in this change, i have realized that my way of dealing with my change is difficult to watch from the outside at times.

perspective.
perspective has forced me to dig in and figure out why i do what i do. why certain things are difficult for my heart. why i make certain things difficult.

growth is eminent.
change is beauty.
i am understanding.

more & more.

I'm thinking about years gone by 
I'm thinking about church at midnight 
I'm thinking about letting go 
I think that might finally be alright 


simmering on the years past, 
all the loves and losses, all the joys and tribulations, 
my heart is happy today 
even in the loneliest moments, even in the sad ones, 
i can confidently say that i am happy. 
i have learned and grown and seen and been opened up
once again
and i'm reminded that its all forward motion. 
it has to be. 


But this is where we shine 

and sometimes love is all my heart can have. it has been a hard year. a long year. an exhausting one and a revealing one. 
unexpected-ness around all the corners. 
and strength has been pulled from places of defeat
it has been and now we're here remembering. 



Then I'm gonna catch my breath 
And make it a long December 
If we've got nothing left 
This could be worth remembering 
With a smile upon my face 


Silver bells and open fire 
And songs we used to sing 
One more chance to be inspired 
Is what I'm offering if love is not enough 
Then stay with me because 
The heartache can wait




one more chance to be inspired. 
merry christmas to all. 

A great sin: the fear, and ultimately paralyzation, of becoming.

You are not who you want to be, and the path is unclear, so you sit down in the dirt. The cloud of dust is comforting for awhile as it has the illusion of movement, but you’ve been fooled. The dust settles on your increasingly stiffened muscles. Rigamortis, God forbid. God forbid.

God forbid you sit in on the path and refuse maturation. God forbid you let the dust settle and you deny redemption. God forbid the fear of taking a step forward or backward or left or right and you deny process. God, in great humility, does not forbid failure. God does not forbid mistakes. God does not forbid missteps. Go fail and fail well! is the voice of God. Do nothing! is the voice of evil.

Stillness is not dualistic. There is a good, sacred stillness, and there is an evil stillness: the stillness of fear. You cannot stay in the desert. You may go to the desert, and you may be in the desert for a time, but if you stay then you choose death. Leave the desert. Leave now while you can, while you are still alive. Leave while you are able to choose to work out your life with good fear and with good trembling. We have so little time and we have so much time.

thanks longbrake

all the stars are coming out

its so interesting how life turned out. 

and i sit here on this autumn evening, wondering 

wishing

climbing through my memories 

really how did i get here?

and i know that it is beautiful 

no matter how hard and ugly and tumultuous

no matter how much new growth and heartache and broken pieces have fallen to the ground

these days i find myself in between such grand heartache and excitement, sadness and joy, broken pieces and that feeling of being complete.  what an odd place to be. and a mix of emotions that is just hard, unsettling, and kind of awesome.  

i think i'm really beginning to accept

that truly, in this life, 

 there is joy 

and love, 

beauty, yes to be found. 

[feeling introspective, what's new]

picture from the rainy outer banks, nc from a couple weekends ago. awesomely needed vacation.

currently listening to: the mountain goats, fleet foxes, tv on the radio, sleigh bells, and bon iver.
fall is upon me.

that is funny.

and a true observation of my life and yours.


IS THIS LIFE?!?

dear august,

you are the busiest month. you show us so much.

and truly, i always feel the most challenged and the most growth here with you as the summer comes to an end.
you brought us joy in those hot summer nights where we can sit on the porch til all hours enjoying one another's company.
and those epic storms
and memories to be kept for a lifetime.

yet
it never seems to be the way i planned it.
but its good, indeed.

i am thankful
for all the laughs you brought
as well as the tears
and the new friends
and the trials
as well as the leaps
for all the forward steps
and for all the push and pull
the ebb and flow
the hot and cold


let's watch the sun rise one more time.

don't rush by so quick next time.

sincerely yours,
jess


currently listening:: modern skirts "mrs."
resonates.

write me a letter, it's better to read things. 

on growing up and heartache

i'm finding that growing up is harder than i ever imagined.
it's hardest when you are at it alone
it's most confusing because you are alone.
and everyone is fighting for themselves alone,
singularly.
until you find that one that wants to fight along side you.
and for you.
and you don't have to be alone anymore.
but sometimes that person who fought alongside of you changes his/her mind or gets confused or distracted or lost
and begins to fight against you.
and your battle seems harder than it ever seemed
like your strength together weakened you individually
when its actually your comfort got the best of you

and it gets hard and confusing for a while

and maybe, just maybe
the confusion, the waves, they stop hitting so hard
and your strength returns
you might be alone again
fighting for yourself
and you have distant yet fond memories of that one who came and fought at your side

and i guess you're better for it.

it cost so much to be a full human being

"yesterday i met a whole man. it is a rare experience, but always an illuminating and ennobling one. it costs so much to be a full human being that there are very few who have the enlightenment, or the courage, to pay the price. one has to abandon altogether the search for security, and reach out to the risk of living with both arms. one has to embrace the world like a lover, and yet demand no easy return of love. one has to accept pain as a condition of existence. one has to court doubt and darkness as the cost of knowing. one needs a will stubborn in conflict but apt always to the total acceptance of every consequence of living and dying."

- morris west, the shoes of a fisherman


love the power in this. 
found here

i need a lifestyle upgrade.

 

i need to get better at so many things right now, i'm overwhelmed.
does anyone else ever feel like that?

things and things

things i can't get enough of at this point in time include but are not limited to:

hellogiggles

        

pinterest! duh. follow me

            







also...
reality tv. its like i would much rather get overly involved in people's lives on tv than make real life decisions for myself.  its a bit avoidant, i admit, but its working for me right now

lykke li
and the decemberists

hot black coffee and nice earthy teas

                                                                                                   sleeping way too late

re-reading malcolm gladwell. he inspires me to think more.


also, my apartment cannot seem to keep itself together.
 i would think that you might walk in and say to yourself, "man! i bet she's working on something really great right now.  i can't wait to see this project/experiment/writing masterpiece."  false.
things are just a mess.
you would say that because there is just stuff all over the place. like i'm too wrapped up inside my brain to put stuff where it goes.

i keep toying with the idea of moving or not and so i can't seem to get comfortable in my space.
one of my least favorite things is to spend time doing something just to undo it or redo it. so i'd rather live in limbo.
this is a bad idea, everyone.

just saw this video. its real.  i think everyone can relate in one way or the other. 

whether its death, or a breakup, or loss in anyway. watch this. be moved.