all the stars are coming out

its so interesting how life turned out. 

and i sit here on this autumn evening, wondering 

wishing

climbing through my memories 

really how did i get here?

and i know that it is beautiful 

no matter how hard and ugly and tumultuous

no matter how much new growth and heartache and broken pieces have fallen to the ground

these days i find myself in between such grand heartache and excitement, sadness and joy, broken pieces and that feeling of being complete.  what an odd place to be. and a mix of emotions that is just hard, unsettling, and kind of awesome.  

i think i'm really beginning to accept

that truly, in this life, 

 there is joy 

and love, 

beauty, yes to be found. 

[feeling introspective, what's new]

picture from the rainy outer banks, nc from a couple weekends ago. awesomely needed vacation.

currently listening to: the mountain goats, fleet foxes, tv on the radio, sleigh bells, and bon iver.
fall is upon me.

on growing up and heartache

i'm finding that growing up is harder than i ever imagined.
it's hardest when you are at it alone
it's most confusing because you are alone.
and everyone is fighting for themselves alone,
singularly.
until you find that one that wants to fight along side you.
and for you.
and you don't have to be alone anymore.
but sometimes that person who fought alongside of you changes his/her mind or gets confused or distracted or lost
and begins to fight against you.
and your battle seems harder than it ever seemed
like your strength together weakened you individually
when its actually your comfort got the best of you

and it gets hard and confusing for a while

and maybe, just maybe
the confusion, the waves, they stop hitting so hard
and your strength returns
you might be alone again
fighting for yourself
and you have distant yet fond memories of that one who came and fought at your side

and i guess you're better for it.