time has changed us.
for the better.

today i cleaned out my inbox.  i had over 3,000 unread messages.
no, i'm not that popular.  no, i'm not famous.
yes, i have a problem.  yes, i sign up for newsletters and coupons and clubs and never EVER read the emails.  yes, the first step is recognizing my problem.  i get it.  it's ridiculous.
but as of right now, i have ZERO unread messages.

today, i bought a new macbook pro.  i have had this one currently typing this blog for over four years and i bought it from a friend used.  it has been loved and is acting like a dinosaur.  i will need to be more social network-y and mobile for my new job so i decided to grow up and bite the bullet. and i feel good.  no buyers remorse here. it will be here so soon. ahhh.

today, i will sit in the sun and read my copy of Garden and Gun that came to me today and i will be happy.

and here i am, realizing that i'm a writer.  again.  and i want to write.

i have wanted to stay private for a while, for some much needed self care and understanding.

but prepare yourselves to be apart of my world, the beauty and brokenness that it is,
if anyone even reads this anymore.
lovelovelove.

tunes

autumn has a distinct feeling.
these songs match the feeling this season for me.
this is what i'm listening to.

ok.
autumn is my favorite season.
the crunch of the leaves.
the weather.
the color.
the way everyone reacts to the change in such delight and relief.
the baking that begins again.
uh..halloween.
the newness in the old.
the smell.
the traditions that have stood forever.
the closeness and warmth with your favorite faces and holding hands.


this autumn so far has been lonely and stupid, if i may.
it's a bummer to have your favorite season come and feel alone.
i'm tired of this feeling.
it seems it has come to sit with me until i figure out what it's all about.
so i guess i'll get to mulling.

i sit here on the eve of october, the most magical and magnificent of months, dreaming of the colors, the smells, the energy that cannot be ignored.  the autumn is fascinating, the beauty in death, the way it all makes me feel more alive.
even though the past four weeks cannot exactly be surrounded by words of joy and laughter, or even contentment, i think that fall will bring something new for me. well at least i hope.

also, listening to sufjan incessantly.  his melodies mold seamlessly into the cool brisk air.  its true.  he sings in truth and creativity.
(and i get to see him soon at the civic center. one of my dreams will be coming true)



more thoughts on autumn to come.