as of late.

(photo of my most recent fortune from the taco stand. very appropriate.)


some thoughts as of late


holidays are an odd combination of stress and joy. family and friends. new and old. love and bitterness. all stirred together in a slew of days with early mornings and late nights. exhausting yet wonderful. but once they're over, i think i'm actually glad that they are. relieved in a sense.


i have found myself with quite a frustration toward photography. i realize it's been going on for about a year now. the way money really affects the ease in which it can be achieved. money affects the means and advances. the way i don't have any money. et cetera.


i believe i have learned the beauty in pain. the beauty in the broken down. the beauty of being able to say "i can't do this anymore." because in that, in the midst of all of that, you are human. you are real. there is an authenticity there that cannot be found many other places. and from there, truth can be found.

we don't need this "put on a pretty face" junk anymore. we don't need to cover ourselves with money, the "hip-factor, fake smiles, fake plastic trees, if you will. we just need to be real. to feel what we feel. to be who we are. and really, it is from that spot of knowing who you are, no matter how much it hurts, is where we can learn what love is. but only from there.

i really believe that.



the end of 2 0 0 eight is coming quickly. as if i fell asleep and let it all go by, it mostly feels foggy, like a dream. this has been my hardest year of my twenty-two. but i think i've become more human. the realness of life can hit you hard, harsh, painfully, yet beautifully and full of grace. this year will be a monument in my scope of life, i do believe.

there is weight to this life.
it is light.
it is heavy.

the deeper we go, the more we are able to feel the difference.


this year's love had better last...