as of late.

(photo of my most recent fortune from the taco stand. very appropriate.)


some thoughts as of late


holidays are an odd combination of stress and joy. family and friends. new and old. love and bitterness. all stirred together in a slew of days with early mornings and late nights. exhausting yet wonderful. but once they're over, i think i'm actually glad that they are. relieved in a sense.


i have found myself with quite a frustration toward photography. i realize it's been going on for about a year now. the way money really affects the ease in which it can be achieved. money affects the means and advances. the way i don't have any money. et cetera.


i believe i have learned the beauty in pain. the beauty in the broken down. the beauty of being able to say "i can't do this anymore." because in that, in the midst of all of that, you are human. you are real. there is an authenticity there that cannot be found many other places. and from there, truth can be found.

we don't need this "put on a pretty face" junk anymore. we don't need to cover ourselves with money, the "hip-factor, fake smiles, fake plastic trees, if you will. we just need to be real. to feel what we feel. to be who we are. and really, it is from that spot of knowing who you are, no matter how much it hurts, is where we can learn what love is. but only from there.

i really believe that.



the end of 2 0 0 eight is coming quickly. as if i fell asleep and let it all go by, it mostly feels foggy, like a dream. this has been my hardest year of my twenty-two. but i think i've become more human. the realness of life can hit you hard, harsh, painfully, yet beautifully and full of grace. this year will be a monument in my scope of life, i do believe.

there is weight to this life.
it is light.
it is heavy.

the deeper we go, the more we are able to feel the difference.


this year's love had better last...

here's to finals

there is something about staying up late finishing a paper.
knowing you will finish.
even if you see the sunrise.
and honestly, a little sunrise never hurt.

the crunch of finals.
the slew of sweatpants and groggy faces.
the stressed out strangers you strangely identify with.
the coffee being poured.
the ever needed breaks that tend to run longer than is responsible,
but needed for sanity's sake.

the regrets from all the bad decisions over the semester
to not "work ahead" or "manage your time" better
(those are in quotations because they are still lofty ideals to me)


the way procrastination takes on all new heights
the way facebook never seemed so intriguing
the way cleaning never seemed so necessary
and daydreams
and people watching
never held such glitter

how i find myself reading more design blogs
than i ever knew existed
and designing my pleasant studio/home/bakery of the future.
and creating precise playlists for the occasion.
and uncovering the music that was gathering dust in my library
to find the perfect motivational notes to make it worth it.

and then there's the last moment.
and it is d o n e.
the sense of relief and completion.
an epic nap.
a celebration.
no matter what the outcome, there's no going back.
because,
in the strict appreciation of its essence and epithet,

it is final.




there is beauty in the complete.


an ode to finals week.
you earned it.

in case you were wondering,

i am thankful for melanie.

the twelfth month

dear december,

you are here again. after a long 339 days, you appear and yet i'm always surprised. you are sneaky. maybe one day i'll learn.

you always seem to bring a certain smell in the wind.
a magic spirit to the days that doesn't come any other time of year.
there's something about you that puts unity in the minds of people.
yet an unsteady loneliness follows in the shadows.

and let's be honest,
you have your own music. enough said.
you are not to be ignored.

your season brings many memories to the front of my mind.
laughter and love. tears and heartache.
i am thankful nonetheless.

we've got twenty-two days left. let's make it a good end to the shady year we've had.

sincerely yours.


p.s. a little snow would be nice.

thankful.

i am thankful

for grace. for my crazy family and a warm bed. for my athens family. for understanding. for laughter and tears. for sour patch kids. for beautiful music and people who play it. for the turning from day to night. for rebirth. for apple products. for long conversations. for the invention of photography. for written words. for trees and growth and the understanding they give to each other. for distance not changing anything. for when distance does change things. for adventure and the unknown. for the chance to finish college. for eyeliner. for a dancing melody. for fire pits. for seasons and fallen leaves. for jesus. for wikipedia and gmail. for mexican food. for fresh brewed coffee. for good design and aesthetics and people who can appreciate it. for polaroid film. for technology and also the distance from it. for memories. for friendship that transcends. for love. for freedom.

this list could go on forever.
and maybe i should keep writing it.
it may be good for me honestly.



a delayed thanksgiving post. thank you.

"may the free make others free."

yes.


how much this sentence, this call, this command resonates with me.



freedom leads to jubilee.

much to say about this. can't quite find all the words yet.
it needs to steep a bit more.