baby steps

i'm in love with this headboard. dreamy lokal54

i'm learning to take baby steps. i like to think big picture and then i feel overwhelmed when i don't know how to get to the big dream goal and i get frustrated when it doesn't seem like i'm even working in the right direction.  but the reality is that no one just takes one huge leap and lands at their dream job in the dream house with the dream lover and the perfect haircut and friends and kittens playing at their feet.  there are like a billion steps between here and there. for some reason it took me a while to accept that.
and now i'm learning to take baby steps. baby steps toward big goals.


so i started reading the artist's way by julia cameron. its kind of blowing my mind and bringing me back down to earth and reminding me that i'm the one standing in the way, not the world and all those kick-you-in-the-ass sorts of things, but all in a motivating way.
its reminding me of the artist i am. and that the world is not only for the artists that i read about and stalk incessantly and the one that's "making it" and that other one who has somehow convinced people to pay her so she doesn't wait tables anymore and the pretty one, of course.

i didn't even realize i needed it when i opened the book.


in other news, my cat has become a bed hog.
seriously, i went on vacation for a week and now he thinks the whole apartment is his.

love to you in the rain.

we could have had it all.

[i love adele and her voice and her passion.]

somedays i want to be taken seriously. and not be treated like a child.

and then somedays, i just wish i was a child.

in other news, i spoke to an at&t person on the phone for like half an hour while she just repeatedly told me to unplug and re-plug my internet modem. apparently she gets paid to tell people to do that.
sweet gig.
then, today a maintenance guy came out to inform me that while his buddy was trying to fix someone else's internet on the block they just decided to take my line since it appeared to not be in use.
unbeknownst to him, as he continued his story, he was just confirming my understanding that many human beings are stupid and many are not actually good at their jobs. 

 we have all really accepted the motto: fake it til you make it.
or in this case, fake it til some one realizes you're a faker. 

thanks america. 

i've been working on some pretty neat crafts and paintings. can't wait to show you internet friends. 

today is my birthday. today i turn a quarter of a century. the most i have ever lived.

25 days ago, i made a list of 25 things to do before i turned 25.  it was created in the love of lists and goals as also in the motivation to bring positivity and freshness and accomplishment into my new year.

here is my list. all completed by today april 5th, 2011 10:24 am

.support a friend i believe in  Gabriel
.send my brother his super belated birthday card
.have a fantastic trip with my friends -- MIAMI!
.feel the sand
.celebrate a silly holiday
.eat at a new restaurant
.drink at a new bar
.hear some live music
.blend & give some mixed music away
.bake something with my new mixer
.create something new! [...i'll show you soon.]
.apply for another job
.plan a road trip
.think about being a photographer again
.watch one new film
.cook one new recipe
.floss
.discover & hike a mountain
.paint
.plant your seeds--basil, eggplant, summer squash, & jalapano!
.sign up for another pottery class
.shrinkidinks!
.workout consistently
.talk to my sister
.put my savings bond in my savings account.


like any good list, some goals were made knowing they would happen, others were put on there in order to actually get me to do them, and others still were dreams and hopes.

and here i am, age twenty-five, feeling accomplished and encouraged and motivated.

if you know me at all, you know that birthdays are important to me. and time passage is significant to me. i get blown away by the way we grow older and days grow to months to years.  i find myself nostalgic about the things that will be missed and what was allowed to pass on by.  today is significant time maker in my life.

there is a beauty in gaining age, in adding years to yourself, mind, body, spirit. of course there is wisdom, but what i am more concerned with is the sight and perspective we each obtain [or ignore, i presume].  looking from the past and to the future.  its all pretty amazing, you know, life that is.

amen amen.



the photo at the top is a cactus at the alamo i saw at the end of last summer. still blooming.

this spring-like weather makes me feel at home. finally something about this place feels like home. this week was my six month anniversary of living in asheville and i honestly cannot believe that its been half a year. and now i sit and wonder what will become of the next six months.

you know, now that we're two months into two thousand eleven, i figured i should post my resolutions and goals for the year. it will be a good year.

bake and sell pies at a farmer's market.

apply to grad school. [check!]

create traditions.

go to utah, california, nevada, oregon, washington, and canada.

create/live in a loving community once again.

actively search for joy in everything.

roadtrip ocean to ocean.

send out dream letter inviting friends into my dream.

move to a new great city.

plants herbs and veggies.

start a food blog. [check!]

see lcd soundsystem live.

discover new music. create monthly playlists. send playlists to people.

write more letters.

share more desires and passions.

travel! adventure! go!

watch the sandlot with frankie and benji.

get a tattoo.

draw back into honesty, authenticity, and love. settle for nothing less.

wrtie. write. write.

make more goals.

work on an organic farm.

be a better friend. connect more. do not let friend fall away. make more on an effort.

get outta debt!

live and experience. do not live in dreams of what could be or what could have been.

have no regrets. take no prisoners.

somedays

somedays you just have to drink a beer in the shower and pretend its athens, ga in the summer time.

someday you just have to wear a silly band in your hair because no one has a rubber band.

somedays you just have to cry on the phone with your mom.

somedays you have to lose yourself in a tv series because it makes you feel closer to your family.

somedays you are lame and you must love yourself for it.

somedays are just hard.

somedays are made for tea drinking.

lean into the discomfort

this was posted here and here and i finally took the time to watch it. and then i watched it again. i was moved. its inspiring and honest and real. and what i want my life to be about. 

wholeheartedness.

take the time to watch it. 

tell me what you think. 

lean into the discomfort. 

february can't be dreary all the time

recently i have been trying to alter my outlook on life. changing my negatives to positives. being reminded that life is short and to be enjoyed.

last night, at a crowded restaurant on a friday night, my friend and i were invited to sit at a large table with an older couple since they had extra seats.  it was one of those small moments where you can say yes or no, simple without any life change either way, but its an odd opportunity that can change to adventure.  needless to say, we said yes and had a most delightful dinner. talked and got to know each other to the point that our waiter didn't even realize we didn't know each other until we were paying.  our dinner friends ended up being an ex-supreme court judge and a third grade teacher, sweet as could be.
(also, pretty sure everyone in the place new them and they didn't actually have to pay for their dinner.) it made my evening, that's for sure.

in other news, i'm going to miami in march. flights booked. workout begun. fun in the sun, i'm coming for you.

also it feels like early spring these days and its amazing. amazing. amazing.