things and things

things i can't get enough of at this point in time include but are not limited to:

hellogiggles

        

pinterest! duh. follow me

            







also...
reality tv. its like i would much rather get overly involved in people's lives on tv than make real life decisions for myself.  its a bit avoidant, i admit, but its working for me right now

lykke li
and the decemberists

hot black coffee and nice earthy teas

                                                                                                   sleeping way too late

re-reading malcolm gladwell. he inspires me to think more.


also, my apartment cannot seem to keep itself together.
 i would think that you might walk in and say to yourself, "man! i bet she's working on something really great right now.  i can't wait to see this project/experiment/writing masterpiece."  false.
things are just a mess.
you would say that because there is just stuff all over the place. like i'm too wrapped up inside my brain to put stuff where it goes.

i keep toying with the idea of moving or not and so i can't seem to get comfortable in my space.
one of my least favorite things is to spend time doing something just to undo it or redo it. so i'd rather live in limbo.
this is a bad idea, everyone.

just saw this video. its real.  i think everyone can relate in one way or the other. 

whether its death, or a breakup, or loss in anyway. watch this. be moved. 

this song and these words have been resonating in me this week. 

there will come a time, you'll see

with no more tears

where love will not break your heart

but dismiss your fears

get over your hill 

and see what you find there

with grace in your heart 

and flowers in your hair

i am in a constant state of renewal 

and also reworking and reinventing

[and of confusing myself]

and of questioning my choice

past and present

and of seeking peace

and of craving patience

and of reaching for the joy i once saw. 

with grace in your heart

and flowers in your hair

always a new cloud

photo at tybee. one of laura's dad's creations

… another few days gone off forever. Yes, yes, yes, & where do they go? & who collects them all. I’m watching these incredibly painterly, puffy pink clouds float overhead & off over the water. Where do they go? There are rusted boats bound for China, hungry seagulls leaving steampipes, the mindless tide in search of its zenith. But where does the time go when it’s gone? For now, all these beautiful things out the window seem to have such an overwhelming weight, it’s difficult to imagine them all floating away for the rest of time. Though I know they are. On the other hand, there are always new clouds coming into view, new boats, new birds, new tides. I see the pattern in myself too. For sometimes the spirits are so high, & sometimes they drag so low… but always there are spirits. Thankfully. 
-joshua heineman of CursiveBuildings




i love these words. 

ever have the fear of making your own choices

fear of the reality that you are grown and decide your next steps

fear of picking out, of opting for 

[the secret fear of settling for]

the wrong, incorrect, illogical, irreversable 

ever need to be reminded that your choices will not be wrong
that you just need to move forward
that you just need to follow your heart [and your clouds] 
because your fears are screaming louder than everything else


life is full of decisions, of choices
and there is great beauty in that
and awesome freedom
and my fears are my insecurities
which sometimes cause me to freeze
but not this time
i'm choosing choices
next steps
future plans
adventures
there is comfort in these words:

there are always new cloud coming into view, new boats, new birds new tides. 

i feel like i always hit my stride in summer
like really soaking in a day off
when i can stay in my pajamas all day, still drinking on my pot of coffee at 2 in the afternoon
watching storytellers on vh1
cleaning the kitchen, listening to records

sometimes i forget its summer [besides the 90 degree apartment i live in] because of the quick lives we lead.

but today,
today i embrace it with all i am
and really channeling my high school self, and probably your high school self, who lounged through the humid summer days before hitting the pool watching videos on mtv.
the grown up us's miss those days. i find its good to feed them a little nostalgia every once in a while.


cheers to summer. and memories. and making fun of who we used to be and who i still am at heart.


[my apologies for the us's, i just don't think the proper grammer sounds right]

should i

over the last four weeks, my life has changed drastically once again.  the reason i moved to asheville, a family owned restaurant, closed down suddenly.  left unemployed, confused, and with no way to pay my rent, i moved into a bit of crisis-confusion mode.
crisis mode, you know, the mornings when i wake up and sit on craigslist and think about how all of those jobs seem equal to water torture and then i end up sending my resume anyway because i'm freaking out and whatthehellamigonnado. and the afternoons where i realize i have nothing to do so i start hammering bottle caps flat in hopes of being inspired (read: low point). and the everything else where i bounce back and forth between feeling    f r e e   and feeling  l o s t
and nothing in between
and everything in between.

i don't know.

in the past four weeks, i have acquired three jobs that i think are pretty cool, but all part time. i am drained of all brain power to listen.
i am surrounded by super passionate and knowledgeable people all day which is encouraging to say the least.
i'm learning stuff i never thought i'd learn, which is a changing experience.
one to burst your mind,  in a good way.

yet
i am faced with decisions. to stay in asheville. to go away to somewhere new. to move back home. to start afresh. to continue to invest and have to work my way up. to work towards something great. to work just to pay my rent. to accept the change. to accept the challenge.

again i ask, what should i be doing with my life?

photo source

who doesn't want to open presents that look like this?  i'm in love with this idea.