i'm making a mess.

while life takes its sweet little twists and turns, i am still comforted by slight nuances and gems that fall in the most unpredicted places. 

cool summer nights. a cuddly cat. pansies planted by my dad. a good glass of wine, a big sister that pulls through for once. old friends that never change. good books with lines that hold meaning.  basil plants. enjoyable chord progressions. grandmas learning about lip rings. porches. great ideas.

"i can't imagine anything but music that could have brought about this alchemy. maybe it's because music is about as physical as it gets: your essential rhythm is your heartbeat; your essential sound, the breath.  we're walking temples of noise, and when you add tender hearts to this mix, it somehow lets us meet in places we couldn't get to any other way. "

-anne lamott, traveling mercies

your best suit and dress

we were driving around running errands the other day, listening to death cab. 

listening to "the new year", discussing how it's one of our favorites.

 then we hear

 "i wish the world was flat like the old days. you could travel just by folding a map."

 this conversation ensued:

mel: what a great discovery.

me: music? death cab? 

mel: no. the fact that the world isn't flat.

(short pause)

mel: i think it might be the best discovery yet.

i love melanie. 

so close.

summer is almost here.

start again

dearest april, 

thank you for bringing me out of the funk. 

your friends that came before you were not really cutting it, but you, you came and saved the day. 

you made us laugh and cry and sit on the porch and breathe in life.

you brought us flowers and storms and joy again. 

you were made for new growth.

you pulled out all the stops. 

your efforts are truly appreciated.

thanks for showing us what 2008 can be. i had lost hope for a little while. 

i knew i always liked you. 

i'll miss you. come back soon.

your friend, 

jess

words like "lost and found".

sam beam makes me want to pick up my guitar again. 

and makes me want to fall in love. 

last night was beautiful. a voice of beauty, love, humility. backed by an eight piece band. sold out variety playhouse with every face awaiting his voice. standing in silence, in awe. 

my soul needed it. 

a night of rest and peace. of enjoying beauty.

it's not just about watching a good musician, but life overall. to live for something more than ten page papers and serving pizza. 

i'm thankful for the moments that bring me back to where my soul finds rest and my heart remembers what makes it feel alive. 

there have been too many days that have been filled with just getting by. 

i'm thankful to be able to feel alive again. love again. 

it's been a hard three months. you should know that. 

may the sun rise bring   h o p e   where it once was forgotten

dream to make believe.

i'm 22. i have a lot of dreams and ambitions.  i have decided that i will not sit on the side lines and watch my life pass me by. that sounds melodramatic, but i'm kind of serious.  

i am desperate to see my dreams become a reality. 

sometimes i feel like i'm drowning in my life a bit. and i felt like it a lot this morning.  things have been tough. i have been tried. i woke up this morning to find that i again slept through my classes and other important things that are NOT ok. and realizing much needs to change so today begins "jess will be  r e s p o n s i b l e  for 3 weeks". mark my words.

things "responsible" entails: 

1. going to all my classes.
   
2. getting up every morning. 
   
3. not being late to work.
   
4. reading and studying. 
   
5. doing homework.
   
6. spending time alone with God. 
   
7. journaling myself so i don't feel crazy. 
   
8. returning phone calls and emails. 
   

these things may seem simple. but i, jessica anne rosenkoetter, am not good at them, especially the school things, and in the last 2 months, my life has a bit fallen apart and none much of this has happened. so i guess i'll begin. three weeks of senior year number one. 

in other news, spring has come and made its home with us. 

i'm pretty much in love with that fact of life. 

birthdays are for lovers.

birthdays are the best. 

april 5th is the best.

my friends are the best. 

that's really it. 

this weekend was like old times. everyone was back in town. the 167 had a million people in it. we didn't sleep. we laughed the whole time.